I do not pray for these alone, but also for those who will believe in Me through their word; that they all may be one, as You, Father, are in Me, and I in You; that they also may be one in Us, that the world may believe that You sent Me.
A few years ago, I was in the middle of on of the biggest trials of my life. I doubted whether I was saved. I went back and forth where I was either angry at God or doubted his existence. Shortly before Easter, the hidden parts of my heart were revealed to me. I could scarcely believe how much venom in my heart was directed towards God. I wondered how could I have such thoughts and still be saved if God did in fact exist?
During the week that followed Easter, my wife and I drove from my home in North Carolina to Mississippi so I could meet her family and friends.
About thirty or forty minutes after we crossed the Georgia/Alabama state line, I felt as if a great weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. Not long after, I heard a voice.
“You will have a meeting with Jesus tonight”.
I can’t tell whether this voice was the Holy Spirit or an angel. I just knew that I wanted to get to my hotel room as soon as possible. How does one prepare for a meeting with Jesus? Would he be there physically so I could see Him? Or would I just know in my heart that he was there?
My imagination ran wild. I pictured a Jesus who was several hundred feet tall sitting on a throne in Heaven looking down on Earth. I felt very small and somewhat afraid. Was He coming to take my life? Or pronounce judgment upon my sins? Or would I be pardoned for all my evil actions?
Mary dropped me off at the Best Western hotel in Moss Point, Mississippi. Mary was exhausted from the trip and went straight to her home in the nearby town of Pascagoula. It was probably after 11 o’clock at night when I began unpacking my things. I used the restroom and felt an overwhelming sense of peace.
“God,” I said, “if you can get me through this, you can get me through anything.”
I kicked off my shoes. I decided to approach with a worshipful attitude and knew that YouTube would be my source of inspiration. I played Chris Tomlin’s world tour version of How Great is Our God.”
At the end of the song, a man came on the stage. His name was Louie Giglio and it was the first time I had ever heard of him. He gave a presentation on the greatness of God by talking about the different masses of huge stars and how small our own planet is by comparison. Giglio concluded this portion of his presentation by saying:
Sin---it has a way of shrinking God down in our minds and puffing us up in our own estimation. But, just a glance into the universe God has made resizes everything in a heartbeat.
I was so awed by the greatness of God that I had to stop the video halfway through. I ran to across the room to the bed. I kneeled down and just wept.
“God, I have no idea if I am still saved or not. I have no idea if anyone can lose their salvation or not.”
I then remembered that if I was saved, Jesus prayed for me at the Last Supper. I asked him to repeat that action.
"Jesus, please pray to the Father on my behalf. I have no one else to turn to."
God brought the words of the Gospel of John to my mind.
All those the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never drive away. For I have come down from heaven not to do my will but to do the will of him who sent me. And this is the will of him who sent me, that I shall lose none of all those he has given me, but raise them up at the last day. For my Father’s will is that everyone who looks to the Son and believes in him shall have eternal life, and I will raise them up at the last day.”
--- John 6:37–40.
Jesus came to the will of the Father and the Father willed that he should lose none that the Father gave him! I had proof of God and of my salvation. Of course, this meeting came with other realizations.
I realized that I had been angry at God. I realized that my life consisted of living continuously in pride. I had judged God and had found him guilty.
n that moment, I felt tiny. I felt petty. I used to think God was vindictive when in realty I was the vengeful one. But God loved me no matter how angry I had been at Him. I had been struggling with the issue of my salvation for two years. I worried even more so in the past two weeks.
I had no idea how much God wanted to have this conversation with me. I had no idea how much God wanted me to know that He loved me. I had no idea how much God wanted to let me know that I was saved the entire time. My own anger, not His, had created the contention in our relationship.
Revelations about my relationship with God kept pouring into my mind and heart. While it was true that I had blasphemed God the Father, I had not blasphemed the Holy Spirit. I was just as saved that night as I was when I was twelve years old.
The god I had worshiped was an idol of fear, abuse, and vengeance. God allowed me to kill it so that I could really know the true God. That night, the true God had been revealed through the love and personal sacrifice of Jesus the Messiah.
I had often wondered why Jesus had to be crucified. Most of the standard answers include a vague response about God's will. This is Biblically accurate because Isaiah 53:10 says it was God's will for Him to suffer. However, that only gives us part of the picture. The rest of the picture became crystal clear that night.
Satan’s sin of pride was witnessed before the angels of Heaven, but hidden from the sight of men. The opposite of pride is humiliation. God, as Jesus, suffered a publicly humiliating death. It was witnessed by men and women in Jerusalem, by God, by angels, and demons (Colossians 2:15). Pride is the cause of all sin (Isaiah 14:12-21). Pride was defeated by humility, the cause of love and service.
There is no other way Jesus could have been the sacrificial offering to God the Father. He died for every sin I committed before my salvation and for every sin I would commit after I accepted Jesus as my savior. My sin of pride was nailed to the cross when Jesus gave his life as a ransom for my soul.
Pride had so consumed my life that I did not even realize that I was guilty of that particular sin. Two years had gone by with apparent silence from the Lord. But, I was saved the entire time.
I continued to pray at the foot of the bed and asked God to allow me to be a blessing to others. This was not because I wanted to earn God's favor. Some people can operate through faith, but I needed reminders of grace. I finished praying and stood up. Although Jesus did not appear to me, a meeting had indeed taken place. I could not see Him, but I knew that He had been there and was still there.
I stepped outside. I looked up at the stars with such awe and wonder. It was as if I was looking up at the sky for the first time and seeing the majesty of God. For the past two years, it felt as if the weight of the sky had been pressing down on my head. That night, the sky appeared distant and weightless. I was surprised how big the sky was compared to my own size. I believe Jesus really did pray to the Father that night and those prayers were answered.
When going through a trial or storm, remember that God has already prayed for you.