In Pilgrim's Progress, Christian--the hero of the novel must walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death where he also experiences blasphemous thoughts. He learns that although the thoughts appear to come from himself, they actually come from demons.
I went to the mental health clinic. They were unable to help even though they prescribed me some medication. Mary, my fiance at the time, took me to a ministry called a Healing Room. Unbeknownst to me, Healing Rooms are associated with Bethel Church in California. Apologia Studios recently published several audio clips of a former member who defected. The person who talked about the lack of sound doctrine at the church. I can attest that the Healing Room sounded good, the people involved seemed like very nice people, but they failed to facilitate healing in my life.
A couple of pastors I knew from North Carolina would say, “Most people who wind up in Hell will only miss Heaven by about a foot. That is the distance from your brain to your heart.” For some reason, I pondered these words for several days.
I was laying in bed one night when I had an epiphany. I knew in my head that the Holy Spirit is God, Jesus is God the Son who was imbued with power from and conceived by the Holy Spirit. I knew that Jesus was crucified and that He will save anyone who believes and call on His name. The battle of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder was being fought in my head when it was supposed to be won in my heart. The Bible and other believers can only lead you so far. You need to internalize and believe in your heart (Romans 10:9). My head felt slightly foggy. Then it felt like my ears popped, similar to when a person experiences a change in altitude.
It was sort of “aha” moment. There was no voice of God, no heavenly choir. I imagine it felt like a person who was wrongly convicted, spent several years in prison, and then was unceremoniously released. But I am healed and no longer have blasphemous thoughts.I thank God for that.