After some more bad events in 2017, I was convinced God, if he even existed., hated me because I was going to hell anyway. I just wanted to get it over with. After someone bullied me on Facebook and told me to kill myself, I slit my left wrist. I have a fairly high tolerance for pain, but it hurt more than I expected. I spent several days in a mental hospital while my wife was pregnant with our first child. I can't imagine what I put her through. A few months later, I had what the doctors called a "cardiac event". I would have welcomed this at any other time, but I didn't want my son to grow up without a father. I was determined to get through this and be there for my son. Two weeks later, my son was born.
It hasn't been easy having a young child, but he brings me so much joy. I used to think about suicided daily for several years. It has only crossed my mind 3 times in the past 18 months. My son literally saved my life. I cried when I read the news that New York will now allow abortions up to birth. I have been crying ever since. I wanted to die for years and now a law has been passed that makes it easier for innocent babies to be put to death. How messed up is that? When you are struggling with depression., suicide doesn't seem that selfish. Unless you have personally been in that position, you have nor right to make such harsh remarks. But I have been there. I think there are millions of dead babies who would gladly trade places with me. I pray for better accessibility to mental health resources and the overturning of Roe vs. Wade.